Enjoying your body is your birthright and should be something that comes naturally to us all. Unfortunately most of us are brought up in a culture where things such as pleasure are often overlooked or ignored, especially if it is to do with pleasuring yourself sexually.
At Sinsins we are firm believers in the whole body approach to self pleasure and to pleasuring others, meaning the focus isn’t just on the genital region it is on the body and mind as a whole, as one large erogenous zone!
To get the best out of your own body and to therefore let other people know how to help you (or to do it for you) the best place to start is by learning about your own personal bodymap. Everyone is different, so there are no standard rules; some people love receiving a gentle massage, some prefer firm handling, some prefer their nipples to be kissed, others can’t bear the thought of their nipples even being touched. The list is endless and ever-changing.
The most highly erogenous zones for females are as follows:
The Clitoris
The clitoris is the most sensitive area in the pubic region. It is located under the folds of skin where the top of your labia meet and appears as a small pea sized glans (which some consider resembles a mini penis). The visible tip is only a small part of the whole clitoris; the main shaft extends into 3” (8cm) prongs either side of the vaginal opening. The whole of the clitoris consists of blood vessels, spongy tissue and nerves – basically it is made of erectile tissue the same as is in the penis. Upon stimulation and arousal the tissue swells and fills with blood, the clitoris becomes firmer and the pleasurable sensations become stronger.
Stimulation of the clitoris either fully or partly can and usually will result in an orgasm. For some people this takes only a few minutes whilst for others it can take hours along with plenty of foreplay, relaxation and encouragement.
Every woman is unique and will probably prefer her clitoris to be touched in a different way from others; no one way is right or wrong. Some prefer direct stimulation of the tip, whilst others find this much too intense, preferring a general stimulation of the whole clitoral area. Explore around the edges like a clock face – certain areas will be more sensitive than others. Also, don’t forget to ask yourself how it feels - talking about it with your partner if they are with you will ensure they can do the job well! Vibrators can be especially good for clitoral stimulation. Start off using a slow, gentle speed until you know what you like, then try other speeds or different pulses and rhythms. If you find the vibrations too intense try placing a towel between your clitoris and the vibrator – this will soften the intensity and also spread the vibrations over a wider area.
The G-spot (or Uretheral Sponge)
The G-spot (named after the gynaecologist who initially researched it in the mid 1940’s - Ernst Grafenberg) is a spongy area of tissue located in the vagina. It is loaded with nerve endings, blood vessels and glands and surrounds the urethral opening (the tube that carries urine out of the body from the bladder). When stimulated this area produces powerful, deeply rooted orgasms for many women, but for others it can be unpleasant, ticklish or produce no feelings at all. Some women experience an ejaculation of fluids through stimulation of the urethral sponge; this is known as female ejaculation (see below).
To locate the g-spot insert a finger into the vagina and motion it in a ‘come to me’ sort of way towards the front of the body. You should be able to feel a small dome shaped protrusion of dense, textured tissue – this is your g-spot.
Gently stroke the area to start with until you are aware of the sensations - it helps to apply a little lube first to keep the area moist. Masturbation, the use of toys (especially curved tip ‘g-spot toys’) and intercourse can all stimulate the g-spot, however positioning and arousal levels are all contributing factors when it comes to levels of enjoyment. Experiment to find what suits you best.
The Vagina
The vagina is about 4 inches (10cm) deep but extremely expandable. The front third is more sensitive than the back two thirds due to the presence of many nerve endings within the folds of tissue, including the g-spot area. The back regions are smoother and respond more to pressure than to light touch, creating a different sort of orgasm to those from direct clitoral stimulation. Dildos, penises and fists are all good for deeper, solid penetration.
The Breasts and Nipples
Gently massage and kiss the breasts all over - some women prefer firm contact and some prefer a lighter touch. Try concentrating on the nipples too but be gentle at first as it can be ticklish – applying pressure, pinching, twisting or enlarging the nipples can be highly erotic to some people but painful and uncomfortable to others. There are various types of nipple clamps available, ranging from weighted ones to adjustable ones to vibrating ones… These can be attached and left on so that all hands are free for other things. When aroused the nipples will stand fully erect due to healthy blood flow. If you or your partner have inverted nipples and wish to change this there are various nipple pumps available that come complete with tiny rubber rings that get put on the nipple once it’s been erected to help maintain it.
The Buttocks and Anus
The buttocks are a definite bundle of fun! Rub them, wobble them, slap them, tickle them, kiss them, anything you like! Just give it a go. Spanking enthusiasts extol the virtues of the bottom, maintaining that a good hiding is the most exhilarating thing ever… try it for yourself and let us know!
The anus/rectum is a very arousing place for a lot of people. There are many nerve endings situated in the anus making it a very sensitive and pleasurable place to explore. Try using fingers, toys or a penis – just make sure you use plenty of lube at all times as the rectum doesn’t produce any natural lubrication. Gently stroke around the edge to start with, only inserting once the muscle is relaxed and lube has been applied. How far in you go and with what size toy you use is up to you, but we recommend starting very small, very slow and fairly shallow until the receiver is used to it. See our ‘Essential Guide to Anal Play’ for more detailed info.
Further erogenous zones which aren’t considered ‘sexual’ are as follows:
The Lips and Mouth
Don’t just kiss, experiment with licking, sucking, caressing and tickling. Try teasing and flirting using your tongue, exploring the mouth deep and wide, hard and soft. Use foods, sauces or sweets. Blindfold your partner and kiss them all over their body. Be unpredictable!
The Head, Face and Neck
Gently caress the head and face, kiss the eyelids, explore the ears with your tongue (very erotic!) and don’t forget the neck; kisses, gentle licks or even controlled nibbles are all highly arousing. Run your fingers through the hair, maybe puling gently on the hair at the same time – some people love this sensation whilst others can find it tickly or painful, so do check with your partner how she/he feels. Take your time – plan to spend some time getting to know what your partner likes and dislikes and then swap over - enjoy the sensations for what they are rather than as a build up to intercourse.
The Hands and Feet
Gently rub these areas using a lube or massage lotion, try a circular motion in the palm of the hand or the sole of the foot, try concentrating on the tips or on the ‘webbed bit’ in between the fingers and toes – it’s amazing how sensitive these areas are when you focus on them for a while. Try using a feather to tickle and tease or try blindfolding your partner whilst you then focus on their hands and feet. Some people love to have their fingers and toes gently licked or sucked - why not pour on an edible sauce and lick it off!
The Skin
This is the biggest erogenous zone of them all! Often easily overlooked, the skin is highly sensitive to touch – try kissing it, licking it, massaging it, nibbling it, eating off it (!) and just generally touching it! Try gentle soft strokes or firm, harder strokes, try using cold liquids and warm liquids to create different sensations on different areas of skin. Above all, touch it! Hug it! Enjoy it!
There are certain other areas/aspects that it is important to identify if you are to have a good basic understanding of how a woman’s body works sexually
The PC Muscle
The P.C. (Puboccocygeus) muscles run from the pubic bone to the tailbone in both women and men, surrounding the genitals in a figure of eight. During arousal and orgasm the muscles naturally and involuntarily contract– if you can learn to voluntarily control and so strengthen the muscles you can greatly improve your sex life, the strength and duration of your orgasms and the enjoyment of your partner.
To locate your PC’s try stopping the flow of urine when you pee – the muscles you use for this are your PC muscles. Once you’ve located them you can then start to exercise them and believe me you’ll wish you’d started doing this years ago once you start to feel the benefits! Simply squeeze your PC’s tightly - pulling upwards with your anal muscles too - then release them. Continue doing this for gradually longer periods and with greater intensity. Some people like to do it with the rhythm of their breathing; some do it whilst they’re sitting down, some whilst they’re waiting for the bus… The main thing is to do it a few times a day for a few minutes at a time. You can also use sex toys to help with your exercises; any internal toy (such as the love egg or duo balls) is perfect for the job as they can be put inside the vagina and left there to squeeze against for a while – this is also a great way to warm up before sex as it will increase blood flow to the area.
There are numerous benefits to having well toned PC muscles; increased blood flow to the area, therefore greater sensitivity and deeper sensations; toned muscles which are better able to transfer orgasmic ripples; potentially increased levels of vaginal lubrication and stronger, deeper, longer orgasms with better potential for multiple orgasms. Also, childbirth can be easier if you’ve got well toned PC muscles as they will help to push the baby out. Bladder control will benefit from stronger PC’s too - especially after childbirth as the muscles of the Urethra (pee tube) can be stretched out of shape.
Female Ejaculation
Some women experience a gush of fluids from the urethral sponge (g-spot area) during arousal or orgasm, especially after prolonged stimulation of the g-spot. Tests show this isn’t urine; it is a clear, odourless fluid which is a combination of glucose and enzymes from the prostate gland, very similar in characteristics to semen. The official term for this occurrence is ‘Female Ejaculation’ and it is entirely natural even though you may think you’ve wet yourself. Some women strive to achieve a female ejaculation, although others prefer to avoid it. If you’re curious about experiencing it but unsure how to approach it relax, place a towel down and take your time to explore. As your urethral sponge grows more sensitive and swollen through stimulation and arousal, bear down with your pelvic muscles. You may just feel slightly wetter than usual, you may shoot a jet of fluid or you may experience nothing at all – everyone is different.
To enhance the whole experience of enjoying your body we feel there are certain other points worth noting. We have put together what we consider to be the essentials:
Lubrication
Lubrication… lubrication… lubrication…oh yes! We believe that a good bottle of lube is a must have if you want to maximise on your pleasure potential. There are various different types of lube including waterbased, silicone and oil based – check out our Essential Guide to Lubes for more information. You can use lubes for massage as well as for masturbation and vaginal or anal penetration with toys or a penis. Basically, lube will allow things to be more slippery and therefore you (and your partner) will incur less friction upon penetration. This results in you being more relaxed, having better blood-flow and therefore higher arousal levels and also being able to play for longer.
Vibrations
By ‘vibrations’ we don’t just mean sex toys, we’re talking about vibrations in general – from toys, from electric massagers, from vocals, from music, from movement, from physical exercise and from other peoples’ hands and bodies. The whole concept of using vibrations in sensual play makes so much sense to us and incorporating them into the whole body routine only adds to the pleasures experienced in sensual situations whether on your own or with a partner.
Think about it – here’s an analogy for you… if you imagine the body (male or female) as a whole network of inter-joining ‘rivers’ (veins), and imagine that these rivers don’t always run as smoothly or a freely as you would hope them to due to many blockages such as crumbling edges, toxins, thick gooey sludge and so on… Now, the blockages can’t be moved in one go as they can be fairly solid, but by constant gentle movement (vibrations) the large blockages break down into smaller more movable ones and will get carried away in the now more freely flowing stream. This analogy is relevant to your sensual enjoyment simply because it can help you to see the role vibrations of any sort can play in loosening up your body, your circulation and therefore your mind. Ultimately you will have more full body orgasms due to your internal networks being healthy, free-flowing and more communicative.
If you can imagine throwing a stone into the centre of a stagnant pond, the ripples created by the stone will only last momentarily before being absorbed by all the sludge – they certainly won’t make it to the edge let alone back again for a double whammy! Now compare this with throwing the same stone into a fresh, clear pond of the same size – the ripples will be bigger, more immediate, quicker and more likely to make it to the edge and back again. I guess I’m comparing the stagnant pond to an unhealthy body/unhealthy circulation, therefore if you can help your circulation via the use of vibrations (this includes physical exercise) then you can help boost the power and duration of your orgasms.
Masturbation
At Sinsins we are great advocates of masturbation; not only is it a fun and fulfilling pastime, it also enables you to get to know your body and it’s likes and dislikes – tips which in turn you can pass onto your partner. Try encouraging your partner to masturbate on their own and with you – this encourages openness and a deeper sense of intimacy and trust. See our ‘Essential Guide to Masturbation’ for more details.
Stimulate all the senses
Indulge your senses, all of them! It’s easy to forget about the senses of smell, sound, touch, taste and sight and to take them for granted. If you take time to think about the impact they can have on your experiences you will agree that without them life would be pretty dull. Why not make it your goal to incorporate all five of these senses into your general sensual routines and to maybe focus on one more than another at different times - all it takes is a bit of forward thinking and planning… the results will be worth it for everyone involved! Some people enjoy their partners speaking ‘dirty’ to them; why not give it a go! Also, don’t forget about the power of the mind; fantasies can be a great source of stimulation for many people. You can choose to share them with your partner or keep them to yourself, whatever suits you best. Massage is also an excellent way to stimulate your partner – this doesn’t necessarily mean sexually – it helps you get to know different parts of the body, to find out how your partner likes to be touched, to find out how to relax your partner and much more besides. You can combine a massage with aromatherapy oils; this way the sense of smell is being stimulated at the same time!
Change Your Routines
Too many people tend to stick to the same routines, the same times, the same positions and/or the same locations during sensual play. The trick is to learn to vary things a bit, be spontaneous at times but also have times where you plan carefully for your session, whatever it may be.
Brush up on your knowledge
Read books, or surf the Internet. At Sinsins we stock many different books which can help you understand the female body in more depth. Or else check out our links page for many useful and informative links that may help you learn about the female body.
This guide is for general information only.
We are not health professionals, but we do care. Always consult a professional!